Funnybook Babylon

June 19, 2008

She Used To Love Y.O.U.

Filed under: Articles — Tags: , , , , , — David Brothers @ 8:30 am

NRAMA: And so you were left with a handful of continuity issues as result – – why didn’t the Guardians call a 1011 when all the other New Gods died? Why didn’t Superman recount his experiences in Death of the New Gods when he was talking about the New Gods to the JLA? How did the villains capture J’onn? Obviously, if you dealt in all the minutia of every storyline since Identity Crisis or earlier, you’d go nuts – so what was your personal line in the sand that you used in writing Final Crisis in regards to what “mattered” and what didn’t?

GM: What mattered to me was what had already been written, drawn or plotted in Final Crisis. The Guardians didn’t call 1011 when Lightray and the other gods died in Countdown because, again, Final Crisis was already underway before Countdown came out.

Why didn’t Superman recount his experiences from DOTNG ? Because those experiences hadn’t been thought up or written when I completed Final Crisis #1. If there was only me involved, Orion would have been the first dead New God we saw in a DC comic, starting off the chain of events that we see in Final Crisis. As it is, the best I can do is suggest that the somewhat contradictory depictions of Orion and Darkseid’s last-last-last battle that we witnessed in Countdown and DOTNG recently were apocryphal attempts to describe an indescribable cosmic event.

To reiterate, hopefully for the last time, when we started work on Final Crisis, J.G. and I had no idea what was going to happen in Countdown or Death Of The New Gods because neither of those books existed at that point. The Countdown writers were later asked to ‘seed’ material from Final Crisis and in some cases, probably due to the pressure of filling the pages of a weekly book, that seeding amounted to entire plotlines veering off in directions I had never envisaged, anticipated or planned for in Final Crisis.

The way I see it readers can choose to spend the rest of the year fixating on the plot quirks of a series which has ended, or they can breathe a sight of relief, settle back and enjoy the shiny new DC universe status quo we’re setting up in the pages of Final Crisis and its satellite books. I’m sure both of these paths to enlightenment will find adherents of different temperaments.

Grant Morrison, 2008

Oh, Grant. This sounds like trouble in paradise. Let’s see what wrong, okay? We’ll talk you through this.

I met her last week, this insane tart
We been swimmin’ in each other with the same heart
I mean, I think we might be sections of the same part
And we don’t separate at all until the day’s dark

–El-P, “Oxycontin Pt 2”

I remember back when you and Marvel broke up. It was explosive– Marvel turned around and undid some of your plots and twisted others. Joe Q didn’t take it well at all. He just couldn’t understand that your first love had looked in your direction and batted her eyes. Guys make strange decisions for love. These things happen.

Your first move when hooking back up with the DCU was to see about getting her some nice things. Some new stories, a new character or two, and most of all, self-awareness.

Remember that, Grant? You wanted your girl to look her best and able to stand on her own two feet. What followed was Seven Soldiers, Batman, and 52. You got Final Crisis kickstarted. You know what? It worked. Your girl was strutting down the street, all eyes on her like it was the Silver Age all over again.

Then, the troubles started. Batman ended up late enough to need a four issue fill-in. All-Star Superman’s schedule went a little rocky and you caught some heat for it. 52 went off without a hitch… almost. It would’ve gone perfectly without Bulleteer, who kept showing up in the series and flying around.

“Wait,” you said. “Guys, really. She can’t fly. She wouldn’t join a superteam. What’s going on?” No one knew. It just happened.

Weird things kept happening. Your Batman run featured a fairly ill-received crossover. It seemed to go nowhere. Your big Final Crisis plans involved the New Gods being put on ice for up to a year to heighten the tension of the first issue. Instead, they were, in your own words, “were passed around like hepatitis B to practically every writer at DC to toy with as they pleased.”

You weren’t happy about that, were you? It’s like your girl is being unfaithful to you. So, you went to get back at her. You went to Virgin Comics and helped them create a new cartoon. That’s big bucks right there, plus better exposure than comics. You started writing movie scripts. Yeah, that’s right– we know about you and We3.

Your relationship is looking a little sour, Grant. It’s a rough patch, you say? I’m not so sure.

You see, your girl, your sentient DC Universe? It woke up, took a look around, and decided you weren’t treating her right. No more lobster for dinner. You might bring home some Popeye’s, but that was about it. The champagne was replaced with box wine. And man, what happened to all the fun you two used to have? Seven Soldiers was over. You kept saying that Final Crisis was coming soon, but it always felt far away.

She got fed up, Grant. She left you.

And we made love to the thought that life’s ill
And how it’s crazy that through all of this swill
How you can bump into the beautiful while jumpin’ from sills

–El-P, “Oxycontin Pt. 2”

She found somebody else. Who was it?

It’s your homeboy Geoff Johns, Grant.

Think about it. He went from Infinite Crisis, which was a little rough to say the least, straight into 52. 52 was where he met you, wasn’t it? What came after 52? Oh… it was the Sinestro Corps War. That’s the beginning of a mega-arc that basically sprang out of what, an eight page story from twenty years ago?

That’s continuity at work, Grant. The DCU is whispering her secrets into Geoff’s ears and telling him exactly what to do. Remember that?

It’s cool, Grant. You’re still amazing. It’s just that you’re destined for bigger and better things. I heard that you’re all topsy-turvy for Vertigo. That’s good for you, man. Keep it moving. You’re technically going back to your ex, but she was good to you, wasn’t she? You guys parted amicably, I think. Maybe it’ll work out this time.

Don’t let the DCU get you down. She’s found a good man in Geoff. He’s going to treat her right, so don’t worry about that. You just do you. Go ahead and get Final Crisis done and out of the way so that you and JH Williams III can get the Vertigo series jumping off. Impress her as soon as you get her, Grant. You don’t want to get your feelings hurt, man.

You can do it, man. You’re a handsome dude with big ideas. You’ll be fine. Keep it 100, man, and you’ll have everyone out there, not just Vertigo, checking for you.

(Surprised to see me here? Don’t be. 4thletter! and Funnybook Babylon– Black Comics Cartel.)


  1. […] know I’m back, right? You can find this re-debut simulcast on Funnybook Babylon, my Black Comics Cartel […]

    Pingback by 4thletter! » Blog Archive » She Used To Love Y.O.U. — June 19, 2008 @ 10:00 am

  2. This is weird.

    Countdown…err, she ruined Geoff’s Sinestro Corps too. Spoiling the ending of that one. Not to mention the overinflation of that particular story with those dreadful one-shots. She’s a tart. She’s a twist.

    Insert lyrics of a song to describe all of that here.

    She appears to be a fickle mistress–belonging to no one?

    Comment by Roscoe — June 19, 2008 @ 10:38 am

  3. You guys are sort of hammering this issue into the ground.

    Comment by Aaron Poehler — June 19, 2008 @ 3:33 pm

  4. Maybe they are, but it’s something worth talking about, as far as comic book news goes. DC is one of the two largest comic publishers, and seeing them botch things fairly significantly over the past few weeks means that a lot of people are trying to figure out what it means and where things are headed. Which, in a different way, is what led to the whole mess.

    Comment by moses — June 19, 2008 @ 5:13 pm

  5. No, I agree it’s worth discussing, but with a group of qualified writers this size it’d be more illuminating to get more of a back-and-forth between them rather than a series of each guy posting his take along with most of the same quotes that have been requoted all over the net already.

    Comment by Aaron Poehler — June 20, 2008 @ 6:17 pm

  6. That’s not a bad point. But in a back and forth, we wouldn’t have this article, which in my humble opinion would suck.

    Comment by Jamaal — June 20, 2008 @ 6:56 pm

  7. Yeah, I wrote this entirely because Pedro and I were spitballing and he dared me to do it and post it.

    There’s not even really any insight in this one. It’s just a joke about how Grant Morrison could’ve dated the DCU, but screwed it all up.

    Comment by david brothers — June 20, 2008 @ 7:00 pm

  8. Aaron is just mad that the DCU won’t even answer his calls. He’s hoping she’ll give him Barry’s new cell phone number.

    Comment by Pedro Tejeda — June 20, 2008 @ 9:05 pm

  9. This metaphor is amazing; I imagine she won’t return John Byrne’s calls after the last time he beat her with a tire iron and she had to call 911 and get a restraining order.

    Comment by David Uzumeri — June 21, 2008 @ 7:55 pm

  10. Dave,

    John just loves too much, that’s his problem.

    Comment by Jamaal Thomas — June 21, 2008 @ 11:24 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Powered by WordPress