Funnybook Babylon

October 27, 2007

New Gods Showdown Tale of the Tape – Qualifying Round 1

Filed under: Blurbs — Chris Eckert @ 4:29 pm

It’s been a few days and the voting period for this epic match-up is almost over, but if there are any stragglers out there who aren’t sure who to vote for, or perhaps are in Joe’s boat and unfamiliar with the rich tapestry of Jack Kirby’s Fourth World, allow me to provide a brief TALE OF THE TAPE!

A Well-Informed Populace Is Vital To The Operation Of A Democracy

First up, we have someone who is shaping up to be a real underdog here, FORAGER II: This female insect creature has chosen to follow the path of pioneering Bugs’ Rights Activist Forager, after the original died heroically as part of Jim Starlin’s Cosmic Odyssey.

REASONS SHE MIGHT SURVIVE: Forager is both an insider and an outsider (lowercase, not the ones with a curs’d new series coming out) in that she fights alongside the New Gods, but is herself not technically a New God. Also, it is possible that Jim Starlin is remorseful for killing Forager I, and wants to “pay it forward” by sparing Forager II.

REASONS SHE MIGHT DIE: She is appearing in Countdown and hanging out with Jimmy Olsen, putting her right in the crosshairs. Also, as a female she is under constant threat from misogynist (or at least heterophallonormative) writers who look upon female characters as nothing but eye candy you can kill to heighten dramatic tension.

And then, Funnybook Babylon’s new Favorite Son, GOODY RICKELS! Goody apparently doesn’t rate his own Wikipedia page, though his Pre-Crisis Earth-1 doppelganger Don “Mr. Warmth” Rickles certainly does. Goody was just an average joe swept up into the chaos and confusion that was the life of Jimmy Olsen and Don Rickles. It was a lot like The Prince & the Pauper, if the pauper was from Apokalips and the prince was an insult comedian.

REASONS HE MIGHT LIVE: Aborted Evan Dorkin pitch aside, Goody Rickels has not appeared in over thirty five years. In the world of comics, you can never be sure of a character’s death unless you see a body, and the odds of Rickels’s body ever appearing is remarkably slim. Plus, who doesn’t love celebrity lookalikes in their comics? Given the success of Ultimate Nick Fury, the cast of newuniversal and anyone who has ever appeared in a Greg Land comic, EVERYBODY LOVES ‘EM!

REASONS HE MIGHT DIE: Don Rickles just doesn’t get the kids excited the way he (theoretically) used to in the early 1970s. Not that kids are reading Countdown or anything, but Rickles is probably even a generation too old for people reading superhero continuity porn; he was an honorary member of the Rat Pack fer cryin’ out loud! The New New Gods might want to at least update to Goody Colbear, or Goody Seinfeld. He would be a character who was capable of not whoring himself out in every medium imaginable for his new CGI movie about a bee.

Anyway, let this be the public square of New Gods Discourse! Stake your claim, make your argument, let the streets run red with the blood of democracy! And vote!


  1. Shit, you mean Forage-OWNED. Someone came, saw, and Rickels.

    Comment by Pedro Tejeda — October 29, 2007 @ 10:37 pm

  2. Goodymania is runnin’ wild brrrrother.

    Comment by Cactrot — October 30, 2007 @ 7:48 pm

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